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The Law of Monday

Blue Monday, one of the original offerings of Ruth Hunt Candies, the Kentucky Derby's official candymaker. (Did you know Churchill Downs had an official candymaker?)
Blue Monday, one of the original offerings of Ruth Hunt Candies, the Kentucky Derby's official candymaker. (Did you know Churchill Downs had an official candymaker?)
The scenario: When one shakes a zip-top bag, one must make sure that the zip-top is indeed zipped. Otherwise one may send one’s very expensive low-glycemic-index, high-protein, no-really-one-is-a-prediabetic-not-a-hippie granola flying all over the kitchen.

The law: This is especially likely to happen if one has determined to go into work early that day and is already dressed. Also if one has just run out of paper towels ten minutes earlier.

The corollary: In correcting the aftermath of the chaos this law may cause, one may discover a corollary: Dyson vacuum cleaners, when encountering an object too large for their intake, will in fact fling the object at a high velocity in the direction of the law’s victim. This results in the area of the disaster increasing by a factor of two.

The outcome: The law’s subject will inevitably resort to using a Swiffer to sweep the entire tiled area of his apartment, the majority of which will now be covered in granola. As a side effect, several new curse words may be invented and the subject will arrive at work at his normal time, negating any advantage of early rising.

Published in A Cowgirl in D.C. Coffee

3 Comments

  1. Sam

    Sam

    Further theorems related to the above:

    a) The aforementioned properties of an angry Dyson are greatly intriguing to certain of the subject’s friends.
    b) Said friend would pay good money for a YouTube video of the incident (solely for research purposes, you understand), or failing that
    c) is likely to start experimenting with the first Dyson he gets his hands on, with likely unfortunate results…

  2. Goosey

    Goosey

    Questions:

    1. Why were you SHAKING your granola? Does that activate magical low-glycemic properties?

    2. Why don’t you have a broom?

    3. Why didn’t you leave the granola there and take care of it when you got home? (“Because I am not you” is the answer here.)

    4. LOL LOL LOL LOL

    • Heather

      Heather

      1. LOL! No, it mixes up the ends of two different kinds of granola when you’re trying to get rid of a bag.

      2. I don’t know; all my landlords had was a Swiffer and a Dyson.

      3. Because I am not you.

      4. 0:-)

Comments are closed.